This blog navigates…
“How do I help someone with depression?”
You want to help, but you’re not sure how. “I’ve tried everything, but they just shut down…”
When someone you care about is struggling with depression, it’s hard to know what to do.
You want to say the right thing – but you’re afraid of making it worse.
You want to be there for them – but you don’t know what actually helps.
You feel helpless – because no matter what you do, they still seem stuck.
The truth? You don’t need to have all the answers.
Your support does make a difference, and here’s how to help – without overwhelming yourself in the process.
1️⃣ Understand what depression feels like
Imagine you’re on a beach, and instead of walking on dry, firm sand, you’re trudging through thick, wet sand that clings to your feet.
Now add a heavy backpack full of things you didn’t choose to carry, like self-doubt, exhaustion, guilt, or a sense of failure.
People around you might be walking easily, enjoying the sunshine, wondering why you’re so slow or why you don’t just catch up, but they can’t feel the weight you’re carrying or the resistance under your feet.
That’s what depression can feel like. It’s not about being lazy or unmotivated. It’s about having to push through invisible resistance just to get through a normal day.
Depression isn’t just feeling sad. It’s an overwhelming sense of:
Emotional exhaustion – even the smallest tasks feel impossible.
Isolation – even surrounded by people, they may feel disconnected.
Hopelessness – they may struggle to see a way forward.
What this means for you: If your friend or loved one seems distant or unresponsive, it’s not personal. Depression makes it hard to engage. Your presence still matters – even when they don’t show it.
2️⃣ What to say (and what to avoid)
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is listen – without trying to fix.
What Helps:
“I’m here for you.”
“I care about you, and you don’t have to go through this alone.”
“I may not fully understand, but I want to support you.”
“It’s okay to feel this way. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”
What to Avoid:
“Just think positive.” (Depression isn’t a choice.)
“It could be worse.” (This minimizes their struggle.)
“You have so much to be grateful for.” (Gratitude doesn’t cure depression.)
“Snap out of it.” (If they could, they already would.)
Your role isn’t to solve their pain – it’s to remind them they’re not alone in it.
3️⃣ Offer practical support
When someone is depressed, even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Small acts of kindness can be life-changing.
Check in regularly – even if they don’t respond, knowing you care matters.
Help with everyday tasks – offer to cook a meal, run errands, or clean up.
Encourage professional support – gently suggest counselling if they’re open to it.
Saying “Let me know if you need anything” is well-intentioned – but specific offers are more helpful. Try:
“I’m heading to the supermarket, can I grab anything for you?”
“I’d love to take a walk with you this weekend.”
“I’ll drop off some dinner for you tonight.”
4️⃣ Be patient – healing takes time
Depression doesn’t disappear overnight. There will be good days and bad days.
If they cancel plans, don’t take it personally.
If they withdraw, remind them you’re still there.
If they’re irritable, understand it’s not about you.
Progress isn’t always visible – but your steady presence helps more than you know.
5️⃣ Set boundaries to protect your own wellbeing
Supporting someone with depression is emotionally demanding. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Check in with yourself – Are you feeling drained? Overwhelmed? Resentful?
Know your limits – You can’t be their only support. Encourage them to seek professional help.
Take breaks when needed – It’s okay to step back and recharge.
You’re not abandoning them – you’re making sure you have the energy to truly be there.
6️⃣ When to seek immediate help
If your loved one expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide, take it seriously.
Signs to watch for:
Talking about feeling hopeless or like a burden.
Withdrawing completely from others.
Giving away possessions or saying goodbye.
Sudden calm after extreme distress.
What to do:
Stay with them and offer reassurance.
Encourage them to call a helpline or seek urgent professional help.
If they’re in immediate danger, call 000 (Australia) or the appropriate emergency service in your country.
You are not responsible for saving them – but you can help them get the support they need.
Find more resources available here
Final thoughts: Your support matters
You don’t need to fix your loved one. You don’t need to have all the right words.
What matters most?
Showing up. Listening. Reminding them they’re not alone.
If you or your loved one could use some extra support reach out or book a time to chat, because help is always available.
