Have you ever felt like a breakup hit you harder than you expected? Like a wave of emotions – anger, sadness, even relief – all crashing down at once? That’s because ending a relationship isn’t just about losing a partner; it’s about losing the life you built together, the routines you shared, and the future you imagined.

Much like grieving a loved one, heartbreak follows its own unpredictable process. Some days, you may feel okay. Other days, the weight of the loss can be overwhelming. If you’re struggling to move forward after a breakup or divorce, know this: healing takes time, but you won’t feel like this forever.

In this post, we’ll explore why breakups feel so painful, how to cope with the emotions that come with them, and practical steps to help you heal.

When a relationship ends, your body experiences real physiological changes:

Your brain reacts like it’s withdrawing from addiction. Research shows that love activates the brain’s reward system, similar to addictive substances. Losing that bond can trigger cravings and emotional distress.

Your nervous system goes into survival mode. You may experience anxiety, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, or even physical aches – these are all normal responses to emotional pain.

You cycle through grief. Just like with any loss, you might experience denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and, eventually, acceptance. These emotions don’t always follow a straight path, and that’s okay.

Understanding that your reactions are normal can be reassuring. The key is to navigate them in a way that supports your healing.

“I should be over it by now.”

Healing doesn’t have a timeline. Some breakups take weeks to process, while others – especially long-term relationships or divorces – can take much longer.

“Moving on means forgetting them.”

Moving forward doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means learning from it, growing, and allowing yourself to embrace new possibilities.

“The fastest way to get over someone is to find someone new.”

Rebound relationships may provide temporary distraction, but true healing comes from within. Take the time to rebuild your sense of self before jumping into something new.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Breakups can be painful, even if you chose to end things. Don’t minimize your emotions – allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, and confusion. Journaling, therapy, or simply talking to a trusted friend can help process these feelings.

2. Set Boundaries & Limit Contact

Staying in touch with an ex, especially early on, can make it harder to move forward. Consider taking a break from communication (at least temporarily) to gain clarity and emotional distance.

3. Reconnect with Yourself

Who were you before this relationship? What hobbies, passions, or friendships might have taken a backseat? Rediscovering your sense of self is a powerful part of healing.

4. Avoid Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

It’s tempting to numb the pain with distractions – whether it’s overworking, excessive drinking, or jumping into another relationship. Instead, focus on healthy coping strategies like exercise, creative outlets, or mindfulness.

5. Seek Professional Support If You Need It

Breakups can trigger deep-seated emotions, self-doubt, and even unresolved trauma. Counselling can provide a safe space to process your emotions, gain perspective, and rebuild your confidence moving forward.

If you’re struggling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, or self-doubt after a breakup, therapy can help you:

✔ Process unresolved emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

✔ Break unhealthy relationship patterns and develop healthier boundaries.

✔ Rebuild your self-esteem and regain confidence in yourself.

✔ Create a vision for your future that is independent of past relationships.

Healing from heartbreak is a process, but you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’re finding it difficult to move forward, counselling can help.

Ready to start your healing journey? Book a session with Solid Foundations Counselling here.